And the not so good about the move...money

Considering how much this move has ended up costing me, it seems even more crazy that I've done it for the sake of a not-highly paid 20-hours-a-week job. I still think it was the right decision though and although part of the debt I have now incurred did arise from careless, even reckless spending during the very stressful weeks of the move, a lot of it is just part of the cost of doing anything in Germany. It is a land of three-month notice periods so moving in just over a month meant some additional costs that I have no control over. Of course, there are some things that I still haven't gotten around to actually cancelling yet so a portion of these costs are ones where I've just missed the boat. But there's only so much I can do and I was close enough to breaking point a few times during May that I just had to decide to let them go and focus on getting the more urgent stuff done. Like making sure things like insurances and internet were transferred properly. As it turns out, the move will end up saving me about 25 euro per year for my house insurance, so that's something at least.

What with having to pay double rent for May (1,200), double monthly transport in June as I cancelled my ticket in Dusseldorf too late to avoid having to pay it there (80), pay a three-month deposit upfront for the new place (1,350), pay 2,000 for the movers (that was just the actual invoice and doesn't include other money for lunch, drinks, moving boxes and so on) and multiple train tickets between the two places (at 90 euro for a return trip), not to mention money spent on paint, supplies, and some to people to help with the painting (I'd estimate probably over 1,000 for this but am not going to wreck my head going back to figure it out - a lot stemmed from running out of time and just needing to get things done no matter what), it feels horribly like I learned nothing from previous mistakes. However, although there was a certain amount of "fuck it, if I'm in debt anyway let's just spend more money" spending as well, I did keep what costs I could to a minimum and, more importantly, I didn't let that kind of thing go on for too long. And for the most part, even that money was spent on things that I did need (even if I could have managed without some for a while) and will use for a long time.

And of course there are all the new costs that come up with living in a new place, such as joining the library, security deposit for a canteen card, security deposit for keys to the office and so on. It's always feels like a constant drip, drip, drip. Added to which, I will now be travelling for work on occasion. At least for the first three or four months this will be fairly regularly and being at a university, there's plenty of paperwork involved before I'll get the money repaid to me. I'm hoping that submitting everything promptly will result in prompt repayment. At least all of the travelling I've been doing means I've been building up loads of points on my credit card. And I have this lovely view to look at every day. It makes me happier than I can describe to be back near some mountains (okay, hills) again.

I have no concrete plan in place as yet to pay off what I now owe. A lot will depend on my final salary (not long now until I know how much I'll be getting every month), and how I manage with financing part of my life from translations. I'm keeping my eye out for a second job as well, preferably what is called a mini-job or 450-basis job here if I could find a good one. In terms of tax, health insurance, social insurance etc., I can have one mini-job in addition to my normal job and not have to pay any contributions. It's probably the most effective way of earning an additional 450 a month but it's a bit of a minefield as these jobs can often be the most exploitative, with people being asked to work outrageously long hours and so on. We'll see how that pans out. 

Is that enough rambling for now? I've gotten back to tracking my budget properly again over the last couple of weeks and I think all of the really big expenses for the move are over and done with. As things stand today, my debt (made up of credit card, overdraft and 3,000 which my sister loaned me) comes to 7,140.93. The credit card will be the first to be paid off. The minimum payment is one-fifth every month and comes out by direct debit so there is no chance to put it onto the long finger. Apart from travel for work, I'll be doing my best to not use the credit card at all until it is cleared. It's currently at just over 1,500.

After that it'll be the overdraft (currently 2,600) and then I'll repay my sister, who doesn't seem to even really want the money back (she offered me money and I insisted that it be a loan). I have a lot of annual expenses coming up in the next few months though, so it is going to be a slow journey. At least one advantage of being in a new place is that there are no expected behaviours - I don't really know anyone to be going out for dinner with, assuming we'll go to that nice place, for example. I can just be the frugal/stingy person straightaway and no-one is wondering why I've changed.

I'm considering however, once the credit card is paid off, taking some time to build up a bit of savings. I'd like to have a constant 500 euro float in my current account so that even if I don't have a lot of translation one month, I'm not stressing too much about next month's money. I will have some tax return money coming to me so I might divert that perhaps. And I will hopefully get at least something back from my deposit from the old place. We did the handover on 31 May and she said she was happy that there was nothing I needed to pay for. A portion will be withheld to cover the annual costs (heating, electricity in common areas etc), which won't be calculated until early next year. However, there wasn't anyone ready to move in on 1 June so technically I'm still on the hook for the rent for June and July. They wanted to replace the floor in the bathroom so if the work can start on that, or if someone else moves in, I'd be officially released from my contract and no longer need to pay the rent for the remainder of the notice period. I'm trying not to be too hopeful though, to avoid disappointment. She did offer at least, to deduct whatever rent I will owe for those two months from the deposit so I'm spared having to fork over cash for the rent. Much as I love Germany, these three-month notice periods are a pain in the neck. If I hadn't moved so quickly I wouldn't have been able to take the job I got though, so in the end, it all worked out. Or it will. Watch this space.

Walking

It's funny writing in my tracking notebook and seeing that it is already day 9 of my blood sugar diet adventures. That means it's also day 9 of having managed to go for a walk every single day. Just as I planned to do starting in November as soon as I had finished work. But I've recovered from work enough now that I really do seem to be able to just get up and head out, without it requiring too much of a mental workout to get me there.

This morning I didn't really want to get up and was thinking I'd have a nice lazy morning and early afternoon in bed reading and then go for a walk in the late afternoon. For no particular reason, however, I checked the weather forecast. High likelihood of rain all day. Oh. So I checked the rain radar app on my phone and saw that within about three-quarters of an hour of so, pretty persistent rain was going to start. Instead of telling myself I'd go for a walk in the rain, I just got up and went straight away. I figured I'd get most of the way to the halfway point before it started and would be really glad once I got home. It did rain a bit on the way back but wasn't too bad and I really am glad that I've already done it. Apart from about half-an-hour of sunshine a little while ago it has been a very grey, drizzly and miserable day and it is lovely to be tucked up at home. I've lit a few candles and am bundled up in a cosy cardigan. Because I wanted to get out and beat the rain, I didn't eat so I was ravenous by the time I got home. I made vegetable soup yesterday and had a huge portion of that, with two eggs poached to perfection in it. It was just right.

This week will be a slightly different one as I have an interview in Heidelberg on Thursday so I'll be on the move all day. I'm thinking that I'll bring a big salad with me for lunch. I can leave a bag in a locker at the train station and pick it up after my interview. That way I could also bring my walking boots and get a walk in before heading back. Around the town and maybe up to the castle.

Apart from the obvious benefits of the exercise, I've always loved walking as an aid to pounding out whatever thoughts are circling in my head. Sometimes I might not be thinking about anything much but eventually whatever it is that's particularly on my mind will surface and I can get to grips with it a bit. It's so wonderful to have this time to do that without having to stress about only having an hour before I need to be doing whatever other thing is next. I am spending the best part of my day cooking, eating and walking at the moment but it feels good.

I'm using the mapmywalk app on my phone to keep track of how far I'm walking. At the moment I'm just focusing on that and not deliberately trying to increase my speed. They send an email with a summary of workout every week and this was the first time that I got an email with more than one or two walks. In fact, I'm even missing one from this summary as I forgot to switch on the app when I was walking home from the quiz on Friday. I had decided to make that my short walk day so just had the slightly more than 2km walk home, since I was running late and didn't manage to also walk there earlier in the evening. Other than that, here's what I did do from 20 to 26 March:

Total length of time: 11:39 (I pause the app when I stop for a break so this is just time spent actually walking)
Total distance: 50.1km

I'm really pleased with that. Long may it continue. Every day I manage to stick to the diet and every day I manage to go for a walk, is a day closer to the person I want to be.

Blood sugar diet - day 2

After reading the book, The 8-Week Blood Sugar Diet (website here), at the end of January and thinking it was just what I needed to get kickstarted again, I've made it past the middle of March and only now actually started it in earnest. I decided yesterday was the day as I knew I'd be feeling very much like having some clean living following Paddy's Day last Thursday and the last day of the 6 Nations on Saturday. As it turned out, Thursday wasn't as late or as boozy a night as previous years and on Saturday, although I did spend the day in the pub and did drink a fair amount, I left at eleven and resisted the temptation for "just one more".

Detail from front of notebook

It took me a few hours to actually get out for the walk I had planned to really get me going yesterday morning, but I did it eventually. And I went to the pub quiz last night and stuck to drinking water. Had my dinner as late as possible before leaving for that so that I wouldn't be tempted to get pizza or chips during the break. I have to admit I did need to go outside for a few minutes during the break when someone else at my table got chips.

Today, I planned to go for a shorter walk but kept somehow getting delayed and then decided I really needed to finish some work and get it sent out before distracting myself from it with a walk. It was five o'clock before I actually got out but I'm thrilled that I did it. I'm hoping tomorrow to get out much earlier. I'm going to a friend's house at two o'clock so ideally I'll go out walking first thing and then come back and have a big brunch omelette to see me through the afternoon. We'll see.


I received a beautiful notebook as a birthday present last December and hadn't yet found a use for it so it has been called into service as my (very old-school) tracking device. I'm glad that I'm not working at the moment as it gives me plenty of time to look up calories and try and plan what I'll be eating. I wasn't quite organised enough to do a full meal plan and it will take me a couple of weeks to get used to not deciding which starch (potatoes, rice, pasta, bread) I want most and planning my meal around that. Although a small amount of alcohol is included in the BSD guidelines, I'm going to go off it completely until June. I never feel good drinking alcohol on a regular basis and I think in future I'll probably continue with some variation of abstaining completely for a couple of months at intervals throughout the year. One thing I'll be doing is using up some things that I have already prepared (bolognaise yesterday, and bean burgers I have in the freezer, for example) and I will be guessing calories there to a certain extent. But I'm also not going to stress too much if I don't quite make it to just 800 calories in a day. I haven't managed it in the first two days but I still think I'm doing pretty well.



It's half-nine now so I think I can safely say that the first two days are done and, while it hasn't been easy-peasy, it hasn't been too difficult either. I was hungry yesterday at the quiz, or seemed to be, but actually, it was mostly the fact that I knew I needed to have a difficult conversation with somebody afterwards that had my stomach in knots. I ate a Silvermint and that was enough. The conversation went off okay - I didn't get any response I really wanted but I was glad that I had brought it up rather than allowing something to fester and potentially destroy a friendship. Whether that friendship will survive the breaking of trust, I'm not really sure but at least I was able to say my piece. I wonder if I'll ever get over feeling like honesty is the most important thing there can be.




At any rate, this afternoon, because I left for my walk so much later than planned and am currently walking a bit slower than I used to, which meant I took longer than planned, I was hungry by the time I got home and sort of starting to feel a bit panicked that I'd get too hungry and derail myself before I managed to get dinner ready. Then I remembered I'd bought a new jar of bouillon powder recently and when I got in the door I just put the kettle on immediately and a couple of minutes later I had a steaming hot cup of something tasty to tide me over. It was more than enough to see me through sitting down and resting for a while and then preparing dinner. I haven't really drunk enough water today but I'm going to go and make myself a herbal tea now and that will be that. There's trying to drink plenty of water in a day and there's having to get up three times in the night to pee and I know which of those things annoys me most!

Well, that didn't work (and Escapology)

My last post didn't end up being quite the motivator I thought it would be. I spent the best part of last week in bed. Not depressed really, but I've been very emotional and crying on and off. That, coupled with the acne I seem to be developing every month, means that I'll be having a longer than normal conversation with my gynaecologist at my next check-up in a month or so. There were a couple of other reasons for me to be emotional this week but nothing that really should have stopped me in my tracks to start crying. I was up early on Monday morning to go to my last counselling session. I'm glad about that but towards the end of it I did talk about meeting my cousin a couple of weeks ago and her talking about my mum, which was a bit upsetting. My mum died thirty years ago this year so it's just one of those things that's a bit more present perhaps. Because contact with my extended family tends to be sporadic it does often happen that they will start talking about Mum and how great she was and how much they miss her. As if I didn't know how wonderful she was but with the added salt in the wound that most of my cousins are a good bit older than me so they got to know her for years longer than I did. At any rate, a more emotional and upsetting session for my last counselling session than I had expected.

Then in the afternoon a friend, who hasn't spoken to me for about eight months now (for no reason I have ever known about), phoned for a very strange rant about something (still not entirely sure what the exact point was) and when I mentioned that she hadn't spoken to me for months and has even flat out blanked me on several occasions, she insisted that wasn't the point because we were never really friends anyway and don't have much in common. That hurt and I was very upset, as, even though we only met a couple of years ago, we spent a year and a half of that time doing a lot together and, I thought, had actually gotten quite close. I have to admit though, it hasn't taken me long to get over it and, although it stings a bit, I'm happy enough to cut her out of my life. It just didn't really help last week. Let's just say Monday was a bit of a wash.

On Tuesday I slept late and only got up because I had a dentist's appointment to get to. Thankfully everything is fine so after making an appointment for my next cleaning and check-up in six months, I left feeling a bit more lighthearted. But when I got home I couldn't find the energy for much other than making and eating a bit of lunch and I more or less spent the rest of the day on the couch. Wednesday was the same with the only difference being that I have choir rehearsal on Wednesday evening so I had to get up and go to that. Our quiet drink after rehearsal turned into two of us staying out until three o'clock. It was nice to have the long chats though and three beers spread out over the evening wasn't doing too badly. The late night meant that Thursday was definitely a bit of a washout. I did get another application finished and sorted out some medical insurance papers (so that I could find the form I needed to submit a claim for a refund of the fee for the cleaning at the dentist - amazing what an incentive the chance of getting money back is!) And then I worried and stressed about a letter I got from the dole office.

Friday morning started out nicely, with a text from my sister to let me know that my niece had her baby early in the morning. A happy, but obviously also emotional event, given that her mum is no longer around to have experienced the birth of her first grandchild. It's a bit mad to think that I'm a great-aunt now. Unfortunately, that was followed by twenty minutes on the phone with the dole office trying to figure that letter out and I still don't understand it, although she did almost manage to convince me that I may not have to pay anything back/have money deducted from future payments because of my side income. I'm due a callback next week to clear up the rest of it. After all that Friday was a washout, too. I finally dragged myself out at five o'clock to get a bit of shopping and then met a friend to go to the cinema. I wanted to go and see Spotlight but my friend at the last minute told me he really needed something more upbeat so we ended up going to see Deadpool. In German. It wasn't as bad as the review I'd read of it. And I did like the bit with the second mask at the end.

This weekend is mostly taken up with choir and rugby. We had rehearsal yesterday all morning and then I rushed to try and get to the pub to watch the Irish match, stayed to watch the Welsh one (very exciting in the last fifteen minutes - the Welsh crowd there were so fun to watch) and then grabbed a bit of dinner before heading back to the pub to offer moral support to a friend who was hosting her son's 18th birthday party there. That was fun actually. We had more than one conversation (among the older people there) about how we all still felt about the same age as the majority of people there. Only the mirror shows the difference! I didn't stay too late and was home before midnight. Had to get the pork into the slow cooker before bed, you see. One of my friends from choir is 40 today and I promised her months ago (jokingly, but not really) that I'd give her a present of pulled pork. She loved it when I made it for a gathering at my place last year and has mentioned it often. She also happens to be the one who's driving me to the concert we're singing this afternoon so I'll be able to bring it to her at her home and she can put it into the fridge if she wants rather than carrying around all day.

Wow, that ended up being far more of a brain dump post than I was planning on. I'll save my comments on the book I'm reading, Escape Everything!, for tomorrow. I'm only on Chapter 1 and I've already had three or four moments when I've wanted to underline something. I loathe writing in books but this is one with an awful lot in a very small amount of space so I may just have to get over it. As a matter of interest, though, how do you feel about writing on books? Fiction or non-fiction, do you ever read something that you want to highlight or make notes on? Does it irritate you when you're reading a book and it has been written in, even if you're the one who did the writing?

Time to move on

A new month and time to get my act together and just get on with things. I've spent a good part of the morning on the phone. With the social welfare office to check whether the money I received yesterday (unemployment money for February) already took into account the side-job earnings for January, information I sent them two weeks ago. Of course it doesn't. With the health insurance people who sent me the information on what they have submitted to the tax office on my behalf, as it didn't seem to add up. Turns out the amount I was refunded as part of the bonus program last year was almost exactly the same as the amount I was refunded just last month for the extra payment I made in December. Glad I phoned to clear it up though. And then with the agency which has given me most of the translation work I've done so far. There's another big project coming up and since there doesn't seem to be a rush on it, there's a possibility I might get the entire thing myself and not end up sharing it with two others. That would obviously be fantastic. It's a lot of work though so I really do need to get myself organised. I have another client who has sent me the first section of their masters thesis to proofread, too.

So far, my four months of not working have not been very structured. In November, I crashed out a bit, exhausted after finishing work (especially the nearly 150 hours I worked in my final two weeks) but with other commitments to still take care off. It was a double concert month for choir (two of our best concerts ever, I have to admit) so that was rehearsal plus weekend rehearsal plus the weekend of the concerts itself. I finished the translations for the memory/Alzheimers videos, which included meeting with a German friend a few times to double-check some of the German. And I had a couple of other, paid, translation jobs, as well. Not to mention the back and forth with the tax office to get my tax number sorted and the health insurance place.

In December, the first time I actually had a few days with nothing at all to do, I spent three and a half days in bed. And boy, did I need it. I didn't sleep overly much, mostly read or just lay there thinking but I desperately needed a time of as little sensory input as possible. Then followed my birthday weekend, with a lovely visit from one of my best friends. And all of a sudden, a big translation project, which took up a lot of time over the next few weeks, as well as trying to get a handle on the housework and prepare for christmas. My week in Ireland for that was a much-needed break, which felt very strange considering I had just spent the last two months unemployed.

In January, it finally seemed like I would be able start getting myself properly organised. I had another fairly big translation, as well as some smaller ones. Got stuff mostly sorted with the social welfare office. Ramped up my efforts to find a new job. Got back on track a bit with meal plans and cooking proper food.

And I'm not really sure what happened to February. I'm constantly astonished at how quickly the month goes by, even though it's only two or three days shorter than every other month. I did get some things done but it was by no means a powerhouse month.

February did end with a brilliant weekend though. My annual trip to Halle to sing the Happy Birthday Handel performance of Messiah. It was a bit quieter this year, with the most of the late nights ending at eleven or twelve rather than two or three. I was kind of glad the others were doing that, though, as it suited me very well to sleep well and then not be dragging through the next day's rehearsal. As always, I spent the weekend hanging around with my men - a group of retired guys from an Irish choir. I knew one of them in college and then we met again at this event in 2011. It wasn't until the second time I was there, in 2013, that I really got to know the others but now I love spending time with them and I think at this stage they expect me to be with them. It's really nice.

One of my cousins was there, too, and I brought her out for lunch on one of the days. We spent a couple of hours catching up, something we're always saying we'll do but that we never seem to get around to. She's ten years older than me and my mum lived with them when she first moved up to Dublin, so I have to admit to feeling a bit emotional at some of the things she talked about. But it's nice to hear things, too. Now I know, for example, that my mum was the only one of her family to go to secondary school (she was exceptionally bright, apparently. I think as a kid I just always assumed that everyone's parents were clever and then after she died, I didn't really think about it at all). And that when we were younger, she said to my cousin that the one thing she hoped was that when we were older, she and us would be friends, the way her older sisters were with their kids. And that apparently, I am named after a film star. My cousin wasn't certain if it was an actor or a character but it's interesting to know that.

But now it's March and I can't just drift any longer (much as I would love to. I even bought a lottery ticket last week so maybe when I check that later I'll have won a fortune and drifting will actually be a legitimate lifestyle choice for me). So, today, bad start really, I'm taking it easy. I took care of those phone calls earlier and have filled out the form for the social welfare place on my February income. That's that. I'm going to catch up now on some emails and blogs, perhaps watch a small amount of telly and then I'm going to a friend's house. She has been having an extraordinarily difficult time of things and asked me to come and see her. I assume that will end up being the afternoon and a part of the evening, too. Tomorrow morning I want to get up and go for a walk as soon as I do. No hanging around, no lazing (or at least, no lazing until later in the day). Really, I want to start doing that every morning, although I might alternate going for a walk with half-an-hour of stretching exercises for the first week or two. We'll see how it goes.

In the spirit of starting over and moving on, I've also updated my savings totals in the sidebar. I've been lax about keeping that up-to-date and I want and need to start being more meticulous about it. In addition to the accounts listed there, I'm going to use the end of my paper chain to start a small savings fund for something fun. I got to the end of my savings goal with that in one fell swoop at the end, so I never ended up tearing off the last few rings. There are 12 rings left. If I take each one to represent 20 euro, then I have 240 euro to do something with. Perhaps even a cheap weekend away to one of the places on my places to go list. Now that I've (at least partially) sorted my job situation, it's important to start actually living the life I want!

Making some progress

I've managed to get moving and get a few things done the last day or two. Not huge amounts but most of what I wanted to get done and a couple of other small things that just kind of worked out. For example, I've been carrying around a library book to return for more than a week. Kept forgetting or walking/travelling different directions that didn't pass by the library. Yesterday, on the way home, I was going to go to the main library at the train station but after another not terribly pleasant experience at a copy-shop (seems that sometime in the past few years a law may have been passed requiring all copyshop owners to be rude and unhelpful) I decided to just go straight home. Then I decided to stay on the tram for one extra stop to go to the bigger supermarket to get milk. And when I got off the tram it occurred to me that this stop was very close to my local library so I had a quick look at the opening times on my phone and had twenty minutes left till closing time. So that was great. Such a small thing to do, bringing a library book back, but it can take ages sometimes to just do it.

I've almost sorted out things with the social welfare office. I missed a call from them yesterday because I was in the bathroom and when I came running out I saw it was from a private number so didn't bother rushing anymore. I've been avoiding calls from a very persistent insurance agent and assumed it was him trying a new method. But found out today when I actually called in to the social welfare office that it was them. Although it did only ring once and not the "several times" the woman noted in my record. At least the person I spoke to was able to answer one question so there's only one outstanding query now and they will ring me back on that. And I will make sure to answer even private number calls!

I called my travel insurance place to get some confirmations that I need for my health insurance place and the tax office. I called my legal insurance place to enquire about a quote for professional liability insurance (the type the other persistent guy is trying to sell me) and found out that since I don't earn much I'm probably covered by my existing private policy. I've applied for almost all of the jobs the social welfare office has asked me to (ridiculous waste of time since none of the jobs are anything I'm interested in but you have to play along with them). My trip to the copyshop yesterday means I have 20 copies of all of my references and certificates ready to go so tomorrow or the next day I'll focus on sending out applications for some of the jobs that actually interest me. I can just print my CV and application letters at home but the big stack of references is done and ready to go. I also priced envelopes at several different places so that when I run out soon I'll know where to go for the best price (surprisingly it's not Woolworth). And stopped at the post office to buy stamps and make sure that if I were to use C5 envelopes instead of C4, it would cost the same in postage. Since I was walking to a copyshop a bit further away I just went to the post office on the way rather than my nearest one. And because I was slowing down just there, I realised I was very close to the opera shop and called in there to check that if I can't find my subscription tickets, they will re-issue them to me without any hassle.

I've phoned my veg box delivery place to amend my order to take account of the low carb diet I'm switching to and took the opportunity to ask them about jobs there. Might be something different to do and I'm definitey going to consider applying there for at least a part-time job. I've called my health insurance place to confirm that the social welfare has been covering my insurance since the beginning of December, which means that I'll get a refund of the premium I paid myself for December. And on Wednesday evening I cooked the red cabbage I had, which I've almost finished already. I'll heat the rest of it to have with some pork later this evening. When I was going out yesterday I remember to bring the empty bottles to the bottle bank and I brought the rubbish down after remembering to add the egg yolks to the bin. I made icing sugar last week and put the yolks in Tupperware in the fridge, intending to use them the next day but then not actually eating much that day and forgetting about them. I hate to throw food out but am very happy I remembered before they had been there too long - rotten eggs smell bad!


Yesterday I even got the washing done. And I dusted off the blanket box I use as a bedside locker and put away the bedclothes I washed last week. I really need to try and dust that blanket box every week. There is always soooo much dust where I live.

All in all a relatively productive couple of days. Nothing earth-shattering achieved but lots of little things. And every little thing achieved is just that bit much more less swirling in the back of my head. Now I'd better go off and find something good to do with the black radish I got in my box this week. Not to mention the four Chinese cabbages. I thought I'd ordered 1 but it turns out I'd ordered 1kg. I think I'll be searching for room in the freezer for a lot of that. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. Mine is going to be chockful of rugby. Never would have thought I'd become a genuine sports fan but it seems to have happened. It's weird but nice. 

Where can I find my mojo?

I have such a lot to do and am lacking focus. Trying to come up with a title for this post and choosing this one though, I find myself questioning whether I've ever had any mojo at all. As the old joke goes, I think my get up and go has got up and gone.

Last night, I promised myself I'd get straight up and going this morning but of course, these promises really need to come in the harsh light of day. Or the grey, miserable, rainy light of day as it was here this morning. I didn't just turn over and go to sleep though, I did switch on the light (didn't sleep until very late so it was after ten when I woke up but it was dark enough today to need lights on almost the entire day) and I read for a while.

Then I got up to make myself a cup of vegetable bouillon and ate that along with some leftover prawn crackers. I wanted to use them up entirely. After that I read for another little while before I remembered I needed to ring the social welfare office with some questions. Did that and tried to organise a meeting with my accountant so that he can check the forms I'm submitting to them to make sure I'm accounting for my sideline income properly. I'm not trying to hide anything but no harm in making sure it's all correct while still presented in as favourable to me a way as possible. After that I did actually get up but didn't move much further than the couch, where I have whiled the day doing not much of anything. No, wait. I did spend two hours sorting out some stuff for choir. I'm definitely starting to hate being the librarian - it might be time to pass that job on to someone else. 

I wanted to use up the prawn crackers because I'm planning on starting the blood sugar diet and seeing if I can do that for a week or two. Have been feeling like a detox would do me good and having just read the book, it seems an interesting idea. Even if I only do it for a couple of weeks, it's better than not doing it and really, it's pure luck that I haven't developed diabetes (older sisters did) so anything that could help reduce the chances of that has to be good. So anyway spending a day or two finishing up whatever crap I have in the house seems like a good idea. Which reminds me to make a note to phone the veg box place and cancel my standing order for potatoes every two weeks. Maybe that's what I need to get me going again. A proper to-do list.

I also need to phone the health insurance place because the social welfare office has now told me that they've been covering my health insurance since the beginning of December (even though because I quit my job rather than being fired, I'm only entitled to unemployment money from the end of January) so I have to phone them and see if I can get back the premium I paid to them directly. Feels like a bit of a one department not communicating with another situation but it might have to do with my sideline income and me needing to pay additionally because of that.

I wasn't terribly active when it came to sending out applications in January and am supposed to do 5-10 every month so the aim this week is to get 8 applications sent out. Tomorrow I need to go and buy a box of envelopes and some stamps. Much easier to just need to pop out to the letterbox across the road then have to walk to the post office every time I want to send something.

It's just gone ten o'clock now and I'm going to head to bed. Hopefully I'l manage to sleep fairly quickly. I really need to break the cycle of being up late and then sleeping late. It was five o'clock on Sunday morning before I got to bed (was visiting a friend for a birthday party but because I was staying with her, I had to stay up until the last guests left) and it really takes me a while to get over that kind of thing nowadays. Must be getting old. :-)

Thoughts full of someone else

A while before christmas I found out that a very special friend of mine has lymphoma. He'd already had an orchiectomy (and recovered from it) when he told me about it but didn't seem to think that anything else would come from the tests they were doing. I think that was partly a typical male "don't talk about it" attitude and partly his natural positivity.

A few weeks later I got a message from a mutual friend letting me know that it was lymphoma - he wasn't sure if I'd heard and just wanted to make sure I knew. Of course, that made me fear the worst, why wouldn't he have just told me himself? At any rate when I contacted him he just said he'd been waiting to get the full picture before talking to me about it. And this was on the eve of his first chemo session. Still, obviously he has a lot to be dealing with and he has family and lots of friends who live a whole lot closer than I do (not hard, what with us living in different countries and all). Because of that and just because of the type of person he is, it feels like the less fussing I do, the better.

He did phone me and gave me an overview of what the treatment plan is but unfortunately it was one of those whatsapp calls that kept cutting out so I wasn't entirely sure of some aspects. I think he'll be having six lots of chemo at three-week intervals and I know he's spoken to a radiologist about starting radiology as soon as chemo has finished. So, not quite as "not serious" as he was implying.

I did get to see him over the holiday but only for an hour or so, most of which was spent in a crowded cafe, which wasn't specially conducive to deep conversation. He was a bit skittish anyway, not quite babbling but not far off it - talking about his holiday celebrations so far and that kind of thing. In the end we were a bit rushed so I didn't even get to find out any more details really. Sigh. I deal with things so much better when I have the full facts and don't have any leeway to be extrapolating from just a small amount of information. But, of course, this is his illness and he's in the centre of it, not me. At least I have this space to come and let loose some of the more selfish aspects of my character. It's a good release.

In the final analysis I just have to trust that his positivity (and the medical science, obviously) will get him through this. If he's sure he's going to get better then, well, to be honest, no better man. He is definitely the type to kick its ass rather than the other way round. But, yeah, fuck cancer - I have lost too many people to it already and I'm clinging to the hope generated by one of my best friends who battled it and won!

Had a completely different point in mind when I started writing this but can't remember now what it was. Oh well. This all needed to come out anyway. And I have no problem coming back again and again to write about him. One of the most wonderful men I've ever known. Actually, I think I might even try and do a whole series on some of my best friends and the wonderful people they are. That's an idea for a longer-term project that might help me deal with some of the things that have been occupying my mind for a while now.

Bureaucratic bullshit

Have just spent the last hour and a half trudging through the Arbeitsagentur (job centre/dole office) websites. Admittedly, I should have done much of what I've just done as soon as I finished work and I wouldn't have even bothered now if I hadn't received a letter that I have an appointment there next week. Hate how, even though I don't intend to take any money from them ('cos honestly, I can't afford to be out of work for the three months I'm excluded from getting money (because I quit rather than being fired) from them), I still have to fill out all of this shit. Soooo frustrating.

Normally I'm a big fan of doing things by the book and making sure everything is in place but I have to admit that I got a terrible advisor and so, after my initial meeting with her, I was already so annoyed and frustrated that I just pushed it all to one side and forgot about it. For the first month of not working I was very busy trying to sort things out for my side-business with the tax office, trying to do my tax return, sorting things out with the health insurance place, trying to get my website up and running, as well as actually working on translating. All while trying to get over my old job (working nearly 150 hours in the last two weeks really did a number on me).

In December, things were a bit better but still very busy with translating work due to a one-off huge project that landed on my doorstep. Lucky me. That project (if he ever pays the invoices) will give me enough money to not have to worry too much in January. I really did think I'd have a temp job from the beginning of December or, at the very latest, from the beginning of January. Turns out putting all my trust in this one (really very reputable, excellent agency) might not have been the best idea. On the other hand, part of it really is to do with the time of year so I might end up getting five phone calls for different jobs next week. At any rate, I do need to now get my ass in gear and start being very pro-active about looking for a new job. I do have two posssibilities, both of which would start mid-January, neither of which I have yet interviewed for and neither of which are really what I'm looking for. But we'll see. Anything is better than nothing.

The first website I went onto was the job-centre section. They've sent me about five suggestions for positions, only one of which was in any way suitable (and I missed the deadline on that one as I was still working when it came in and just didn't get to it). So now I've cleared those at least, although I'm bound to get in trouble for not applying to any of them. I'm planning on spending time tomorrow and Tuesday sending off at least that many applications so that by my meeting at the end of the week, I can truthfully state that I've sent off more than the threeI have done until now. Actually, if I include the two prospects I've also got for this month then I'm up to five, which isn't bad, according to Arbeitsagentur guidelines. I think I'm supposed to do at least six a month or something.

Anyway, then I went and filled out my application to receive the dole. Not sure they'll accept it though. I really should have done that as soon as I left my old job. But since I don't really plan on having to receive any money from them I'm not too worried. I'll still have to go back to my former employer though and get them to fill out one form. And contact the Department of Social Welfare in Ireland to get them to send me another form (hooray for the EU but at the same time, stupid EU bureaucracy!).

Could think of better things to be doing with a Sunday morning to be honest. You have to answer so many completely irrelevant questions on these forms. I comforted myself with the knowledge that for somebody, somewhere, those questions probably aren't irrelevant.

So anyway, that was all a bit of a meanginless rant but better out than in, as they say. I should be going to the opera this afternoon but after the last performance, when I spent ages looking for my tickets, I put them away somewhere safe. And now I have no idea where they are. So it looks like there'll be no Offenbach for me today. A pity, but I can't bring myself to care too much. Just enough to look in one more place.

It doesn't take much

I've been feeling almost overwhelmed, almost panicky (about not yet having a new job, nor having actually spent much time looking for one) and wondering where the hell time is going to. I've been doing lots of translating work so there is some money coming in for January but still, I thought I'd be set by now. Of course, doing all that translating work has meant not having time to look for a new job so it's a bit of a tricky situation to be in. I've been slowly getting a handle on things and am starting to work a bit more efficiently at least.

Over the weekend I had a proofreading job to do. I got it on Thursday afternoon and they needed it by Monday. This job actually came via a friend of mine and she really kind of organised it because she wanted to help me out with my side business. I got part of it done yesterday and finished it off today. I had estimated 3-5 hours and even though it was longer than originally planned it took me just 4. But I just had a phone call from her and it seems that we were talking at cross-purposes a bit. While I was offering proof-reading, she was expecting editing. As in, take a hatchet to our 34 pages of text and make something better out of it. And I, to be perfectly honest, just don't know how to do that. Especially not when it's all about a scientific institution and the various projects it's involved in. As far as I'm concerned the text was fine - it wasn't particularly boring (even for me as a not-at-all-interested-in-this-topic layperson), it wasn't repetitive and I did amend the few things that were just bad English. So now, I'm feeling very disheartened really. I did what I said I'd do but I feel bad that I couldn't just immediately say to her "oh, of course, well I'll jump right on that and send you back a new version pronto". Worse than a miscommunication with a client is the kind of mix-up that leads me to disappointing a friend. I've never had a problem working with or for family or friends but this has definitely affected me. Not specially helped by the fact that there will be an assistant position opening up at her lab and she has already suggested me for it. So I'll probably have an interview in early January. But given what a mess this proofreading job turned out to be, I'm definitely in two minds about whether or not I'd be actually able to work with her/them.

Perhaps I'm just too stressed or tired for it all now. Different kind of stress than I used to have at work but life is nonetheless pretty overwhelming at the moment. I've got a 26-page document to translate, technically before the new year but I know it would be good to get it back to them on Wednesday. I haven't any money to buy presents this year but since I'm flying to Ireland on Wednesday evening and am spending christmas with most of my family (and since no-one ever actually got around to organising a Kris Kindle) I'm feeling a pressure I don't normally have. I had decided to knit everyone something since I do have quite a stash. I actually even went and bought some cheap (but cute) yarn - the type that I normally stay away from that's not wool and instead made up of a mix of various things starting with "poly". So Woolworths got a very small amount of money from me and I decided I'd spend most of last week knitting and everything would be fine. Except then I got some more work in and spent most of last week working (big document I'd spent the week before translating - they decided they wanted to have it in Excel rather than Word and since they agreed to pay for it. Took nearly as long as it took to translate the bloody thing in the first place, although I was doing the whole thing, including the stuff two others had translated). So, yeah, not much knitting done yet.

I may need a holiday.

Feels like the weekend

Weird thing to say on a Monday morning, perhaps, but since I'm now entering my third week of not working, I really thought I'd have more of a feeling of being relaxed and raring to go. As it is, I feel more like it's still just the weekend and I'm not quite there yet. I worked ridiculous hours in my last two weeks and that, on top of the preceding seven years, will obviously require more than just a couple of days to recover from.

I had really wanted to just spend a couple of weeks doing nothing but between choir (we had two concerts this past weekend and extra rehearsal the weekend before) and translating (did a couple of pro bono jobs but also had some paying work), not to mention housework (turns out, when you're at home most of the day, everything gets dirtier much quicker, who woulda thunk it?), I've only really managed one full day of nothing. And it was lovely. I read all day long.

I'm not complaining really because all of the stuff I mention above is stuff I would normally have been trying to fit around working a full day as well. So, even if I have had things keeping me busier than I really wanted these first few weeks, I've also had time every day to eat proper meals, read for a couple of hours and catch up on some phone calls. Blogging has fallen by the wayside though. I just don't have enough time to read and there's nearly too much going on in my head for me to be able to get it all down on paper. I'm sure I'll get back to it properly though. I just need to get into a routine again. For now, though, I need to get to work. I've just received an email from a publisher asking me to send them details of my conditions in order to see whether they'd add me to their pool of translators. No idea how to go about that - I'm still very bad at the don't want to oversell and miss out/don't want to undersell and end up working for peanuts debate currently raging in my head.

Where I was and where I am

I'm finding it partially very therapeutic and partially almost painful to read through old posts. Have only read the first few months of this blog for now. In many ways, I have come a long way since I started all this. But, in many other ways, I'm dismayed to have not come further and, in some cases, to have stayed exactly where i was or even gone backwards. I'm taking some small comfort from the fact that I am about to make a huge change (job - all very uncharted territory until I get a new one but getting closer to quitting day now). Today is my sister's second anniversary and it doesn't seem possible that it has been two years already. I still miss her just as much and go through periods where it doesn't seem possible to feel that much pain and keep going. But of course you do keep going and it passes on again until the next time I find myself thinking "must give A. a ring and tell her about that" or something similar.

At any rate, I do want to continue on with going through some of the old lists I printed to see where I was then and where I am now so here's an update (in red) on one very old list:

Chemical cleaning products at home - I decided when I wanted to switch to eco products that it would not be a good idea to simply flush away the products I already had and am still trying to use them up (a year later! I was always a sucker for special offers, didn't realise how much I of a stock I had built up). At this stage I think I'll try and give them away.   -  If I remember correctly I ended up trying to use up what I had and eventually, months, if not years later ended up bringing them to the recycling centre, which had a hazardous waste disposal section. These days I mostly use vinegar and bread soda, with a handful of eco products (toilet cleaner and washing-up liquid from Frosch, mostly, although I also mostly use vinegar and bicarb to clean the toilet with. I’ve lived here for seven years and think I’ve bought toilet cleaner twice or three times). 

Shower gel/body lotions etc. - as above, I've been using up what I had. Nearly finished.  -  Well, a few months after this I gave up shampoo altogether. Nowadays the only one you’ll find in my place is the leftover bottle from when my brother came to visit. Handy to have something when visitors are looking because they’ve forgotten their own and/or only had hand luggage so didn’t bring many liquids. As for shower gel, well, I mostly use proper soap nowadays (will get to making my own soon, really I will). I do also have a Weleda lemon shower gel to use – just ‘cos sometimes it’s nice to have something different. And, again, if I have visitors, some don’t like to use soap. I had the body lotion thing sorted by starting to use the hemp oil and body butter from Innocent Oils but then Helen closed the company in order to focus more on her family. Still miss it and haven’t really found something good to replace it with. Mostly just grabbing stuff when I’m desperate. I currently have the following lying around. This is definitely one I need to work on.

The Elizabeth Arden stuff was a birthday present last year. So far have only used it once because, quite frankly, it has a horrible smell. The aloe vera lotion and bio-oil I bought last year when I was in Ireland in June and it was unexpectedly sunny - I needed something to soothe my nearly sun-burned skin and got the bio-oil because there was one of those buy two things get second half-price offers on and I'd heard about it being very good. And the marigold tub is a German traditional type of moisturiser - vaseline based and I use it on my feet.

Deodorant - tough one this. May use some holiday time to experiment with eco products - it took me years to find a "conventional" one that works for me. – I went all around the houses on this one. Used rock crystal for a long while, found it mostly great and then at some stage it just sort of seemed to stop working almost all the time and I was frequently quite stinky. Then I got a skin infection under one arm so I dumped the rock crystal (it wasn’t the cause of it but had to get rid of it in case there were any nasties lurking, better safe than sorry and all that). I switched to Weleda lemon deodorant and it was pretty good but not consistently so and for the most part, I’m back to just using a conventional one. I do still use the Weleda sometimes but mostly when I’m off work and it’s not such a big deal if I end up a bit smelly. The whole thing is a bit of a mystery to me really – no matter what I use, I will still have occasional days where within a couple of hours I stink. And other days are completely fine. It’s all a bit strange but I’m not inclined to spend the time monitoring my life/diet so closely that I’d be able to find any patterns. For the most part, I know that cleaning myself properly once a day is the best way to not smell unpleasant.

Toothpaste - need to replace soon and will try Kingfisher or similar brand.  – I now use the Weleda ratanhia toothpaste. Tried a couple of the others but didn’t like them. Sometimes miss the minty-fresh feeling of your standard toothpaste but then when I use a standard one it seems so strong and you end up with so much foam in your mouth that I’m happy to go back to my Weleda.

Make-up - I don't wear much so will stick with what I already have and think more about it if/when I need new stuff.  – I dumped almost all of my make-up before moving to Germany. Kept lip-liners and eyeliners but pared them well. Also kept a few lipsticks that I’d never actually used (bought multiples trying to get a good match for when I was a bridesmaid for my sister’s wedding). About four years ago, when I first started seriously thinking about getting a new job, I got a few basic bits again (and got a few as a christmas present that year, too). But given the price of make-up these days and the fact that I still almost never wear any, I’m not really putting any thought into this one. I wear a very small amount for choir performances but just eye make-up and lipstick. The less I have used over the years on my skin, the more sensitive it seems to have gotten and I’d rather not aggravate it by slapping on foundation and multiple layers of whatever it is you slap on these days. In fact, I think the last time I wore full make-up was for my sister’s wedding (in 2006). 

Face wipes - so convenient. Have been reducing use but can't quite give them up yet.  – Have totally given these up. Well, I say totally but I do have a small travel pack that comes into service on those rare occasions (i.e. choir performances) when I need to remove make-up. Or just to freshen up between performing and heading out to celebrate all night long. But, I’ve acquired a couple more small Tupperware containers and started knitting my own cotton facecloths so just need to be a bit more organised in bringing a pre-soaked face cloth with me when needed. MFin3 also had a good idea that I might try out. Although if I buy the stuff to make those I'll have to make mega amounts to give to people as presents, I think - otherwise I could end up with more bottles hanging around for years.

Sanitary towels - have used organic ones before and they're okay, need to try and get them more often but they are more expensive.  – Well, long-time readers will know that I first switched to washable pads (love!) and then finally, a few years ago, to the Mooncup (love!!!). Won’t ever go back to disposables and will try and encourage anyone who cares to listen to consider switching to non-disposable options. Actually, just looking at that old post again, Liz from Pocket Farm suggested the Diva Cup to me - that was the first time I had ever heard about it (and I actually thought she was sending me to a joke website at first). 

Petrol - until I can afford a hybrid/runs on vegetable oil type car the only thing I can do about this is minimise my use of the car. Already use bus for to and from work. Must get fit enough to use bike.  – Got rid of the car a few months before I left Ireland and don’t have one here at all. Have a monthly ticket for public transport, got a second-hand bike and am a member of several car-sharing programs (and even so haven’t driven a car here for more than two years). May someday need to get a car again, especially if I manage to end up living in the country or a small town but for now it’s just not necessary.

Philadelphia light - a Weight Watcher's necessity. I have a serious weight problem but eating more fresh food and less processed food will help a lot. There are certain products that are very useful in making low-fat meals and this is one of them. – And how very far I’ve come since writing this. Still very overweight but have learned so many new dishes and, more to the point, have changed my eating habits quite a bit so that what I do cook involves far more vegetables. And if I do use something like cream cheese it’s more often a full-fat version from a local farmer but using less of it. My use of processed foods has gone way down.

Colour catchers - can't afford to keep buying new white underwear. – Still use these. Feels like I really should find out what exactly they’re made of, do they decompose harmlessly and so on. But, as long as I’m only washing for one I think I’m going to continue needing these because I don’t feel like starting to only wear one colour clothes for the rest of my life.  Actually, a quick google leads me to conflicting information. The company claims they're environmentally friendly (because of less washing mostly, I think) and that they're fully biodegradable. Comments from various other people online claim to want to stay away from them. However, without any actual information to back up their actions, I think I'll stick with them for now. I generally use one a week for the two or three small loads I might wash.

Clothes - don't buy many and because of my size don't have much choice anyway. When I lose weight I would also like to start looking at buying more organically. – Same here as well. I try to avoid buying clothes at all and when I really have to, can’t really afford to do anything but buy cheap (which in my size means C&A or M&S Mode, and occasionally on a trip back to Ireland Marks & Spencer (although they don’t do long in my size anymore so that’s less and less until I lose enough weight to get back into sizes that do have long versions) or Evans). Actually am reaching a stage of badly needing to get some new work clothes but hopefully the weightloss will continue this time and in a few months I’ll start fitting into other stuff I already have again.

Moving on

Things have settled down a bit and I've been able to sort out last week's happenings, at least to the extent that I can move on and see what happens. I do want to start trying to blog again more regularly but, hey, I've definitely said that before and I'm sure I'll say it again. So shall I try a list of sorts?

• Have decided to not do any preserving this year. Of course now that the season has hit and I'm starting to see gorgeous fruit and veg appearing all over the place, I'm wavering on that decision. So I might do one batch of bread and butter pickles. And some tomato ketchup. Maybe just one or two batches of tomatoes. But I know doing nothing is the right decision really if for no other reason than that it will be far cheaper. 
• Not spending money is important now given that I will be finishing up work at the end of October. Having a major wobble (to the tune of €90) last week when I was being all emotional hasn't helped matters. And nor has having to pay to get bike checked (€43), new glasses (€60) and new helmet (€69). 
• And just now I was interrupted by a phone call from my brother. I commissioned a piece to be made for him by a woodworker I met last year at the craft fair. It was to be something similar to a piece we had at home when we were kids, that one of my cousins made for my dad, kind of related to our name. My brother has talked about that piece a couple of times over the years, wondering where it was and even saying he wished he had it. So I thought I'd had a great idea. But he sort of just sounded a bit mystified and not terribly impressed. It apparently doesn't even look like what it's supposed to be (although I saw a photo of it and thought it looked good - different and not as nice as what we had at home as kids but still nice. I had it sent directly to him since it didn't seem to make sense to have it sent here only to post it back to Ireland for his birthday). I didn't know what to say so just said a kind of lame "oh well, it's the thought that counts". The conversation did not exactly take off to be honest, I was fighting to hold back tears and not let him realise I was upset but he'd had a long day, was hungry and tired and thirsty so when I said, half-jokingly, half - well it was probably a bit passive aggressive really - that he could just hold on to it until it was someone's else's birthday and pass it on to someone else he just answered "yeah". That hurt more than the rest I think somehow. He said I was obviously not in the mood for talking so he'd go and I just about managed to get out a "right" (and really more of a grunt than a word) before hanging up. Couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears. He rang back and then started giving out and wanting to know why I was crying and I just couldn't seem to make him understand that I was just trying to do something nice. He said to me that I should know that he doesn't attach any importance whatsoever to our name. I couldn't think of anything to say to that except that he should just box it up and post it to me and I'd pay him for the postage, to which he responded that I shouldn't be so silly. We just don't really seem to be able to communicate that well anymore, which upsets me more than anything and add to my general feeling at the moment that I can't do anything right. . We've kind of sorted it out now but mostly by me just saying that I've been having a tough week and it was kind of the last straw that broke my camel's back and then us basically moving on to chatting about what's for dinner. I'm feeling very alone now and so stupid that instead of something he'd be really surprised and pleased by, I've gotten him something that annoyed him more than anything else and that he doesn't even find beautiful in its own right. At least it came in a bit under budget so I do actually have some money leftover that I was going to use to get him something else small, too. I might just send him the money, though, as this rate I don't think I'd trust myself to choose anything good for him. Just the kind of few weeks I've been having and just like that I'm back to using the blog as somewhere to just dump some of the chaotic thoughts out of my head to.

Tumult of emotions

Not going to go into why but just need to try and get some of this out of my head. I'm feeling hurt, humiliated, rejected, foolish, angry (not really, but kind of wishing this is where I was), confused, embarrassed, ugly, stupid, worthless, uncertain, mistrustful, numb. And I am tired. Four hours sleep is not enough.

Stiff and sore again

But this time it's because I was out dancing until five o'clock this morning. Wow, my knees are killing me now. Really need to get rid of this weight once and for all. That's the main goal for the next few months. I handed in my notice at work a few weeks ago so I do also need to look for a new job but somehow I'm not bothered about that and do trust that I'll get something in plenty of time (will probably be working until end of October, definitely until end of September). The reduction of stress simply by knowing I'll be out of there relatively soon is noticeable so I'm feeling good about being able to focus on other things for the next while.

I did have a lovely day yesterday. Slept till I woke, got up and went to the market (which I rarely do anymore since I get a vegetable box delivered now). Stopped and returned all my empty bottles to the supermarket on the way and brought the non-deposit ones to the recycle bins. Just bought one or two things at the market, treated myself to some turkey salami and strawberries and got the tomatoes and bread I wanted to bring to the gathering in the evening. Stopped by the optician to pick up my repaired glasses (lenses got scratched when they flew off my head after I flew off my bike) and get the new set slightly adjusted. My eyesight is back to where it was before, the half a dioptre my eyesight improved by before seems to have gone away again and I'm back to the prescription I had for years and years (-3.25 and -3.75 in case you're curious) so I got new lenses for my sunglasses, too. All covered by the insurance - the new lenses for the sunglasses and a new pair of ordinary glasses. Since it seemed like it might be handy to have two pairs of glasses to use I went ahead and paid for the replacement lenses for my old frames. So in total, I've paid 60 euro and now have three pairs of glasses (two ordinary and one sunglasses). Funnily, the new frames I chose (I make things easy on myself by only selecting from the frames that have no extra cost involved, no designer surcharges for me thank you very much) are almost exactly the same as my sunglasses, which I got a year ago. So I may have found the frames I'm most happy with, I think.

After the optician I was actually starting to feel a bit tired - silly really but there's a bit of hayfever happening at the moment again and my eyes are getting very tired very quickly. Also, I really missed my holiday afternoon naps during this past week back at work. But I sucked it up for just a little while longer and brought my bike to be repaired. Need to make sure the accident didn't knock anything out and at the same time they're going to move the front headlamp down so that the basket my sister sent me will actually clip into place. I brought the bike to a place I haven't been to before but a friend recommended it and it's just at the end of my road. My first impressions were really favourable. We'll see what kind of job they do when I pick it up next week. That was one thing I liked though: when he said he'd have it ready by Wednesday and I asked if it would be okay if I didn't pick it up until Saturday, he was fine with it. One of the other local places I've used in the past charges you storage fees if you don't pick your bike up on the day they tell you.

After all of that I did actually manage to get home, grab a quick bite of lunch and have an afternoon nap. I slept solidly for over an hour, so it seems I did need it. Once I got up I rushed around preparing the chickpea and tomato salad I was bringing with me and then heading off to the summer solstice ritual. It was really lovely this year. Mostly meditation, which I was able to really relax and enjoy because I was well-rested enough that I didn't feel like I was just going to fall asleep. All about looking back on the spring and what you achieved during that season and then opening your heart to summer and divining what your wishes for the coming season are. We also danced and sang (in case any of you wondering what kind of music we end up hearing, this was one of the first songs that had been chosen - feel good music all the way):

After that and after some more meditation we had a crafty activity. Each of us got an A4 size sheet of coloured paper and there were markers and pens to draw or write about what your wishes for the summer are. Once we had done that we did a kind of origami type folding of that sheet of paper and ended up with a little boat. The idea is that we each take our boat in the next week or so and set it sailing on a body of water (so most of us will end up at the Rhine) - sending your wishes out into the world as it were.

After some more singing and dancing:

we finished up the ritual part of the evening and got down to the other important ritual: dinner. Everybody brings something and we sit and eat and chat and laugh for an hour or so. After that was done at about ten o'clock, I headed into town, where the girls had been enjoying themselves at the "Long Table". They set up tables all along the promenade and there are various stalls where you can buy food and drink. It's good fun and it has been a while since everyone was out together so there were laughs aplenty and conversation flowed easily. At midnight, when they closed up, we adjourned to the Irish pub and although the music was really too loud one of the girls talked/terrified the DJ into playing good music, i.e. music we remember from when we were younger. So it was a bit of a 90's fest but we all spent hours on the dancefloor (well, it's not so much a dancefloor as a small section of the floor that the tables have been pushed back from). Great fun. Even when the music stopped because then we started to head out of the pub and realised one of the owners had arrived so we joined him and his girlfriend and went across the road to a cocktail bar. The rest of the staff joined us shortly afterwards. The music there, to be honest, was pretty bad and too loud but we still managed to keep ourselves amused for another couple of hours. And then I topped off the evening/morning by walking home, stopping on the way to sit by the river and read my book. All in all, not a bad day yesterday even if I am tired now and feeling like my knees night never be the same!